How Long Have I Been in This Storm?
by Calico Rayne
Summary: New Moon. When a mixed-up Bella chooses to cliff-dive, the drama of 'New Moon' ensues...But what would have happened had Bella chosen differently that day? What if she hadn't jumped at all? Long Song-fic -'Storm' by Lifehouse. Rated T to be safe. R&R!
1. Facing the Storm

**Author's Note: This is my first fanfiction so please review and let me know what you think - good and bad! This is the first chapter, or rather an introduction of sorts to the fic. All rights for the characters go to Stephenie Meyer and any direct quotes from the book will be stated as flashbacks.**

_How long have I  
been in this storm  
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form  
Water's getting harder to tread  
with these waves crashing over my head_

I paced parallel to the cliff's edge. I'd come alone this time, not that I needed any more time to dwell on my own thoughts, rather I could no longer burden Jacob or anyone else with them. It'd been months since that time in the woods and as much and as hard as I tried, my memories would not fade, and with them, the pain remained too. I'd agonized for the last few months over every detail of that cold September night. Wondering what I'd done wrong to change how he…Edward…felt about me. Or whether I'd been the fool to believe that it was even possible. We were from two different worlds, opposites in every sense of the word. I had never been in his league, yet we had pretended so for a little while. But in the end, it just couldn't have worked out. I just wish I'd seen it coming.

It hurt to remember him and how it used to be. Not just in my mind, but physically too. It was all I could do to stop myself falling apart, going under. For the first few months I didn't have the strength to even resurface. But I had Jacob now…and I could sometimes hear _his_ voice - it was faint, but it was there.

I winced when I remembered the past few months, or rather when I couldn't. Charlie had worried, but I hadn't noticed. Everything had been a blur, it was all numb back then – and in some ways it still was. Now, by distracting myself I could almost cope, but it was all still there, this storm of emotions, threatening to enter my thoughts at any minute.

The wind had started to pick up and over my right shoulder I could see heavy, dark clouds slowly moving their way towards the land. Jacob was out somewhere, risking his life with his 'brothers'. I couldn't stomach his carefree attitude. To me he was just 'Jacob', my strange but constant best friend. He told me not to worry, that it was perfectly safe for him, but it didn't stop my anxiety. I didn't think I could handle losing someone else that I cared for.

I could hear the waves beginning to hit hard against the cliff edge and I retreated a few paces back towards the tree line. My mind began to question the unintelligent choice of venturing to the cliffs alone today. My thoughts holding too much of an echo of something he'd said that night, "_Don't do anything Reckless or stupid" _he had ordered me. Well, I'd broken that promise once already, and I had been rewarded by hearing his voice that time. If I could just hear him again, to hear him call my name, to hear just him say anything…my thoughts wandered to some small form of bliss before reality broke back in. I glanced again at the building storm and the cliff edge before me. Hesitantly, I stepped towards the edge once again, willing him to command me to stop. Nothing. I took another small step, now able to see the rocks below the cliff and the waves pounding against them.

"Come on, Edward" I whispered, his name sounding foreign on my tongue. "Can't you see? I'm being reckless…and stupid"

I took another step forward, now nearly at the very edge of the cliff, a sheer drop below me. I closed my eyes, feeling the first drips on rain fall onto my face and I became suddenly aware that my jacket would not be able to protect me from the rainstorm. But I'd gone beyond caring; I only wanted one thing now, to hear him.

"Please…Edward" I spoke to the open sky. Only silence greeted me. My hope fell and from somewhere, thoughts niggled at my mind about going back to my truck, but they were dismissed as fast as they had appeared. My heart hammered in my chest; I could feel the wind pushing at me, the rain falling heavier with every drop. I could hear the storm…and I could feel it.

I lifted my arms and opened my eyes. The sky was darker than I remembered a moment ago and it felt like even the elements were against me. So this was what it felt like...Staring danger straight in the face. _This_ was recklessness…_this_ was the height of stupidity. Motorbikes were nothing compared to standing up here, one step away from falling, with the wind in my face and the rain hammering down, obscuring my vision.

I felt…free, strong…in control. I felt alive for the first time in months - a strange combination of exhilaration met with and equalled by terror. A smile broke upon my face, and I began to laugh, slowly at first but gradually building until the laughter brought tears to my eyes, tears that mixed almost instantaneously with the rain. Uncontrollably I began to laugh harder, directly in the face of adversary.

One word stopped me immediately. My arms fell to my sides, the laughter gone. My eyes took in the storm around me but my heart and every other single piece of my body trembled under the force of the word…no, not the word, the voice.

"Bella".

**Please Review!**


	2. Darkness to Light

**A/N: I'm so sorry about the really long delay of about a year on this. It just wasn't working, I wasn't working. Then somehow I found some inspiration and found my way back to this. Thanks to my 3 reviewers for the first part of this long and extended song fic (another 3 or so chapters to go) – Bee93, Chocolatexsmore and IWillBeThereWhereYouAre (if you 3 read this, I really appreciate you waiting and hopefully this meets what you were expecting, although it's a bit rough in parts). **

**I tried to make it light-hearted in points and true to the characters natures. So, I hope you like it but please, please tell me which parts you like, which you don't and how I can improve – I don't display what I write publicly very often and so it'd be great to know. I'll update sooner with more reviews! Thanks :D xoxox**

_If I could just see you  
everything will be alright  
if I'd see you  
the storminess will turn to light _

"Bella"

It was almost a roar. The voice wasn't as expected, the tone, the texture, the roughness…it was all wrong. It wasn't the voice I wanted to hear, it wasn't _him._ I felt both sadness and relief as I saw my best friend and not Edward running towards me with inhuman speed, fear plastered on his face. I no longer felt the power of the storm; the rain was no longer a comfort as I suddenly noticed that my entire body was absolutely soaked.

Jake slowed as he approached me, as if he was afraid I would run away. But he didn't have to worry; I didn't feel like I could move. My body felt like it had lost its purpose as the disappointment of not hearing Edward struck me like a thousand knives. In the absence of his voice everything seemed just that little bit darker, a little bit louder and a lot scarier.

I didn't want to be here, I didn't want to be like _this. _I wanted it all to go away…the pain, the dreams, the memories, the thoughts…the hurt. Why had I fallen so deeply in love with him? I asked myself, a question that I just couldn't answer. It had felt…right, just being with him. I'd let him become my world, my reason for being – he was my sun and I was orbiting around him. So, when the inevitable happened, it felt like the floor had come out from under my feet and I was plunged into darkness, a darkness that I'd been hiding in and which had been surrounding me ever since. It was both my personal hell and my sanctuary. No one could take me from it and I remained tortured by my own thoughts and memories, but I wanted to stay there, stay with the memory of him and what we'd had. Or at least what I thought we'd had.

I was the fool, the idiot…the one to blame. I couldn't blame him at all; he was just being honest with me. No, it was my fault I hurt so much; I'd relied on him too often. I needed him more than I thought I would, there were too many shadows in my life that I just couldn't fight without his presence, be it imaginary or real. But, no matter how many times I told myself that he was gone and he wasn't coming back, no matter that my feelings were unreturned, and after all the pain and _that_ night; there wasn't one moment when I didn't feel anything for him. There wasn't one single second when any part of my foolish being did not love Edward Cullen.

Jake was inching his way towards me, his expression appeared as if he was in some sort of pain, but at the same time he seemed to be trying to smile at me. He grabbed hold of my hand and roughly pulled me away from the edge of the cliff edge which was a lot closer than I'd realised. I'd been dragged a few paces before my mind functioned well enough to say anything to him. I was broken inside, still – though I felt nothing like the feelings of the last few months, nothing was as bad as that. It was almost as if the realisation of my situation had finally hit me. Edward didn't want me. Edward no longer loved me. I was alone and I had to deal with that, I couldn't keep wishing for him to rescue me. No amount of time would heal the hurt, but I desperately needed to move on. I was stronger than this.

"Stop Jake." The words were quiet. He span around to face me, the smile and the fear in his eyes gone and replaced with annoyance and behind that I could read anger in his face. The emotion was foreign to my eyes, Jake was rarely angry with me – or rather, _at_ me.

"What are you doing Bella?" he almost screamed, although the sound of the rain on the trees around us gave him reason to raise his voice. "You were so close to the edge, and you're soaked through. Weren't you thinking? I can't believe you'd even think of jumping! It's dangerous Bells, even in normal weather!" He threw curses to the sky.

"I wasn't going to jump" I began, denying the conclusion he'd come to, "I…I just needed space, to think. I don't know I just-" Jake cut me off.

"You're shaking Bella" Jake said angrily, ignoring my comments, but putting his arm around me – even in this weather it was unnaturally warm. "I don't understand…Let me get you home, Charlie'll be worried." I had no idea how I was going to explain my appearance to Charlie. A few implausible excuses crossed my mind but it wasn't strong enough to stick to one. The whole idea of lying right now didn't make a lot of sense; I'd done enough of lying to myself.

Jake propelled me through a rough path through the trees, the way was unfamiliar and I kept catching exposed roots but Jake wouldn't stop or break the uneasy silence between us.

"I wasn't jumping Jake" his grip tightened on my arm as I spoke but he said nothing. "I really wasn't. Don't get me wrong, it was strange up there…I felt…It felt like nothing mattered Jake. Like I could fly, almost." I couldn't explain to him about attempting to hear Edward's voice. I risked a glance at Jake's face and met a stony expression, the contours of his face displaying nothing of the Jacob that was my best friend, _my_ Jacob. "Jacob…Jake, please listen, please answer me. I'm sorry if I worried you. I'm fine, really I am fine-"

"Fine?" Jake interrupted, yet his voice was a lot calmer than it was on the cliff. "Fine isn't standing on the edge of that thing, during a storm. You're soaked through Bella. I called you twice before you heard me, your arms were raised…what was I to assume? I hate him for what he's done, what he's left behind, like I needed another reason to hate the bloodsucker". Jake refused to meet my gaze as we slowly made our way through the woods, but he slowed our movement, allowing me time to look where I was treading, not that this stopped me losing my footing on several occasions. There wasn't a part of me that was dry and I began to wonder what I must look like. The fact I was soaking had only set in as we'd entered the small amount of shelter that the trees offered and I began to shiver. Jake, somehow, noticed and pulled me against him as we walked, I hadn't realised how far in it had been to get to the cliff. After what felt like an eternity I could see a break in the trees to the road. "Bella, where's your Truck?"

"Jus-st down there" I shivered, and pointed to my left in the direction of a sign indicating the location of the La Push beach, the landmark that I'd parked near. Jake steered us left, but we still walked among the trees, searching for the best protection from the storm that the offered. I faintly remembered something about trees being bad places to seek shelter during storms, but the thunder had appeared to have subsided and I was sure Jake knew the dangers of a storm so didn't voice my concerns.

After a minute my Truck came into view and we hurried towards it out of the rain. Jake pushed me into the passenger side without a word, I was about to contest but he gave me a look as he shut the door that stopped the words in their every tracks. Jake ran round to the driver's side and slammed the door shut. I found a coat I'd left on the seat that I hadn't taken with me and Jake insisted I put it on. He began messing around with the controls, abusing my truck, searching for the heating.

"Be careful" I said hesitantly, unsure whether his mood had improved.

"Don't worry, I can't hurt myself" He replied without looking at me.

"I was more worried about the truck". Jake's mouth curled up at the edges and he smiled. He managed to get the heater working and turned to face me.

"I'm sorry Bells for being angry…you just really worried me, seeing you up there like that. Promise me you will never go up there without me again." I murmured my agreement. "Are you okay?" he asked, concern on his face.

"I'm okay, apart from being freezing" I smiled at him, "Are you?"

"I'm fine. I'm gonna drive to mine if that's okay? It's nearer. It's not safe to be out in this, plus you need to get warm as soon as possible" He turned the key in the ignition and my truck roared to life. We made our way to Jake's house as fast as it was possible. My body was weary and I was still freezing, I cursed my stupidity – If only Edward could see me now I thought, then regretted it. Edward wasn't in my life, I had to move on. To stop thinking about him was the first step.

Before I knew it we had arrived outside the Black's house, it was familiar and comfortable. Jake jumped out the cab and raced round to help me out, although I was capable myself. Jake half carried me to the porch and quickly opened the door. He propelled me to the bathroom, placing a towel in my hands and told me he'd be calling to me to make sure I was still conscious every few minutes. The smile had returned and played on his lips as he said this and it granted me a small moment of happiness. When I was with _my_ Jacob it was if some of my worries and unhappiness disappeared. I'd be forever grateful for that.

The shower was pure heaven after being in the storm. In some sense, my old worries were washed away as the warm water fell on me. I realised that there'd always be a part of me missing and with Edward, but I had to keep on living without that part and that I _could_ live without it, I could. I hastily jumped into a towel and suddenly realised that I was lacking clothes.

"Bella?" Jake called through the door, true to his word.

"Still Alive. But Jake, I'm lacking clothes" I answered him.

"Already thought of that! Can I bring some in?" Jake replied with a laugh. He slowly opened the door and deposited a small bundle of clothes on the side. "I'm sure these won't fit but I tried to find my smallest stuff. I haven't worn the boxers before either. You could wear them and we could try and dry your stuff on the radiator, or we can call Charlie and have him bring something over for you?" I grimaced at the name of my father, how would I explain this to him? Jake noticed, "We'll come up with a cover story Bells, we could say you were looking for me then got caught in the storm." Jake waited hesitantly for my response.

"Thanks Jake, I'll borrow the clothes and we'll figure out Charlie later" Jake grinned and left me to dress. It seemed odd to be dressing in someone else's clothes, let alone Jake's. My mind questioned whether the clothes should have belonged to another, a certain someone I tried desperately hard to not think about. The boxers Jake had left me were too big, but not too revealing and he'd left me a large baggy band t-shirt and a similar sized wool jumper to wear over the top that reached almost to the bottom of the shorts. As I exited the bathroom Jake called out the titles of movies that I guessed we were to be watching whilst my clothes dried and the storm passed. I went over to the Black's movie collection and chose one of my favourites, Romeo and Juliet.

"Where did that come from?" Jake asked in mock shock, "I swear we don't own a copy! You're really gonna make me watch this after I rescued you today?!" he teased, but took it out of my hands and proceeded to play it.

"My Saviour" I teased him back and sat down on the sofa. Jake left me to watch the film as he too took a shower, and then returned to accompany me on the sofa. My eyes were weary and before I knew it I had drifted off against Jacob's shoulder. I awoke as he was carrying me into his room and he placed me gently on his bed. "I'm missing the film!" I protested drowsily and Jake Chuckled.

"Bella, you didn't even make it to Mercutio's death scene" I could hear the smile in his voice. "You need to sleep now Bella" he murmured to me and tenderly moved strands of hair out of my face. I don't know whether or not I would have allowed him to do this, but at the present point I was drained of whatever strength I possessed and said nothing.

"I'll never leave you Bella. Never. I'll always be here for you. I'll always love you" Jake whispered, but my mind was already thinking of another subject, another person should I say. One who filled up my dreams, the times when I couldn't consciously push him out. My mind shifted to dreams, of beautiful topaz eyes and tousled bronze hair. Of water and storms, but in my dream there was someone with me, facing it alongside me. Those familiar eyes destroyed the power and the panic, and like that, the storm subsided.

_and I will walk on water  
and you will catch me if I fall  
and I will get lost into your eyes  
and everything will be alright  
and everything will be alright _


	3. Underneath the Surface

**A/N: Firstly I'm sorry for updating this a year or two later if you're still hanging on, that must be some sort of record, right? I don't really leave things unfinished and so it was inevitable that I'd find my way back to this at some point. But thank you for reading and please leave a review if you can. My writing is likely to have changed since I last wrote and I've tried to keep inconsistencies to a minimum, but I've tried to keep the Bella et al in character. SO thank you, enjoy and I PROMISE I'll update asap (as in a weeks time)! **

_I know you didn't bring me out here to drown_

_So why am I 10 feet under and upside down_

_Barely surviving has become my purpose_

_Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface_

"Want to go to La Push today?" Jake asked me, pulling open the door of my truck, before I'd even had the chance to get out of my seatbelt.

"Hi to you too" I chuckled as he unnecessarily helped me out of the drivers seat. He grinned at me and we made our way over to his car. He was constantly repairing it and I sometimes wondered whether he purposely kept finding problems just so he could upgrade it. At present it was missing the bonnet and several spark plugs lay haphazardly disconnected around the engine. Behind the car were the dirt bikes that we'd only used once. That was another disaster and I hadn't really wanted to touch them since. Even though they had nothing to do with _him_, the two remained attached in my thoughts and although I was improving lately the last thing I needed were more reminders. I just needed and wanted to move on with my life.

"So, La Push?" Jacob winked at me as he leant on what once would have been the bonnet of the car, had it had one attached.

"Sure" I replied, unsure whether or not he actually was serious, "any particular reason?" It had been almost a month since I had gone anywhere near the beach or the cliffs alongside them. I knew Jake had been purposely making sure that I avoided the area, I think he was still worried that I would try and jump off the cliffs there despite my insistence that I wouldn't. Even now I'm still not quite sure what I'd been planning to do that day. I didn't go there with the notion that I was going to jump but it just seemed to make sense at that particular moment. Had Jake not appeared I really don't know what would've happened. I was so confused, nothing made sense and nothing seemed to matter. I was numb. I felt like I was ten feet under and jumping wouldn't have altered that, it felt like nothing could.

Or maybe it would have; I was longing to feel something, anything – maybe some part of me was clawing its way out begging and coercing me to jump, just to remember that I was alive. Since that day things had changed. I started to live again, a little at a time, and I recently was managing to sleep through the night without the nightmares I'd been constantly plagued with since it all began. Well, most of the time.

I don't know what the trigger was, maybe I'd just finally come to accept the fact that I had been wrong about so much to do with _him_. The pain and the hurt are ever-present, but I can deal with everything easier with each day that passes. Jake is my rock, solid and unchanging. I'm so thankful for him, as is Charlie who wholeheartedly welcomes him into our home at any opportunity and reminds me often that Jacob is very protective of me. I never know what to say to that, I'm aware of it too and I'm undecided on how, or what, I should feel about it.

"Well" Jacob began, "Sam and Emily invited us all over to their place for some food, if you're up for that?" He stepped away from the car and came to face me, "But I'd like to go to the beach first, we can't hide away from there forever"

"I wasn't hiding from anywhere" I replied, Jake raised his eyebrows but didn't reply. I wasn't really annoyed by him but recently Jake had started bringing up things from the past, things I'd rather we just forget about. He believed that discussing issues was the best way forward; I preferred to let sleeping dogs lie. "Shall we go then?" I asked as I turned towards my truck, trying not to be irritated by Jacob's casual forwardness. Jake jumped in front of me swiftly and gently grabbed my upper arms with both of his warm hands.

"I just want you to be happy, Bells, you know that, right?" I nodded and he grinned at me, "You sure you're good to go?" he asked, looking me directly in the eyes in a mock staring contest.

"Stop it Jake!" I laughed and shrugged out of his grip, "Sure, of course". I turned away towards my truck again but Jake grabbed me into one of his hugs. It wasn't a romantic embrace but I felt safe, he made me feel protected from the world and I didn't want to let go. We stood there for a little while, perhaps longer than necessary. It still wasn't particularly warm in Forks and I told myself that was my excuse for not letting go of my human hot water bottle.

"You smile more now" Jake said against my hair, "You're happier".

It was true, each day was more bearable than the last and I felt happier in myself, someone who I thought I'd lost. Even though we were only together a short time I sometimes find it hard to remember my life before _Edward_. I didn't regret the choices I'd made and I just had to accept that they would fade over time, gradually and naturally.

"Let's get going?" Jake asked as his smile reached his eyes. We headed for my truck, both subconsciously heading for the drivers door. "I'll drive Bells" Jake called out, his arm outstretched for my keys.

"My trucks already had enough abuse in its life, Jake, I'll drive" I smiled back, remembering how it'd been pushed to its limit numerous times before. I touched the paintwork where it was beginning to rust; it was a sign of its age, as if its hair was turning grey.

"I'll be gentle, you know I will" Jake pushed, grinning. His car had been out of action for a little while and I was pretty sure he was craving the open road. "Or at least let me drive one way?"

I grinned back at him and quickly jumped inside and into the driver's seat. Jake grumbled and slowly got into the passengers side, slamming the door shut.

"Hey! Watch it, he's a senior citizen and deserves to be treated with respect!" I reprimanded whilst stroking the dashboard in concern. Jake looked at me strangely then burst into laughter. "What's so funny?"

"_He_? You named your truck didn't you?" Jake spluttered between fits of laughter. "What's _he _called? 'Trey'? 'Trevor'? …'Trucky'?"

"I never said I named him!" I began to laugh - Jake's laugh was too contagious. "And you better behave if you want to drive back!"

Jake unsuccessfully stifled a laugh and I sighed as he offered further name suggestions.

"I like Jacob the best actually" he grinned as I pulled away from his house and headed towards La Push Beach.

It was a relatively clear day for Forks and the beach looked so much nicer, less imposing than it had before. The sea was calm and even though it was still not quite warm we walked along where the waves broke, holding our shoes in our hands. Our feet were pretty cold but it was clear that spring was upon us. Neither of us had said anything for a few minutes when Jake spoke;

"I like seeing you like this. Calm and peaceful, it makes me worry less about you." I looked over to him and his expression was a little pained. I really didn't know quite how to reply to that. He continued, "I keep…keep seeing you up there at the edge" he pointed to the cliffs that were directly in front of us now. "You have no idea how worried I was. I thought you were going to jump and the waves were so crazy. You were just standing there and the rain was pounding and all I could hear was the thunder and the waves hitting the rocks and thinking of you falling…You would've died Bells, I would've lost you. I can't lose you, ever."

He turned away from me and a tried to grab for his arm, "Jacob". I didn't know how to say I was sorry, that I didn't want him to feel like that. I couldn't be his everything but at the same time I didn't want to be nothing to him. It was cruel though, I was playing with him, toying with his emotions when I didn't know how I wanted to feel about him myself. It didn't feel wrong but even though a fair amount of time had passed, everything was still so raw.

Jake's face was always like a window to his thoughts and he pulled me into an embrace as it seemed to break a little, hiding it from my view.

"I know you don't want to talk about it but you must Bella, it's the only way to get over it. I thought that day up there was like a Zero Hour for you. You've been so much better lately, so happy and calm and you smile more. I thought it may have been over, that he'd released you." He let me go and I pulled away, looking up at his face. His eyes searched mine. "But Bella, I wasn't entirely right. That day was a Zero Hour for me too." He looked strange and I couldn't initially place the emotion plastered on his face then I suddenly recognised it as he began to speak; nervous, "Seeing you up there was petrifying. I stood there and I just froze for a moment, I couldn't move myself. I can't explain how it felt…but it… it made me see, made me realise that I couldn't lose you, that I care about you a lot. I know it's been tough these past few months Bella but I'm here for you and maybe the way to make things go back to how they were is to move on. I'm here and I think," he closed his eyes and I just stood there, pleading with him silently not to say it, "I think I love you, Bella".

I was shocked, dumbstruck, stunned, surprised; there wasn't a word in the world that described it accurately enough. I knew he was going to say it seconds before he did but still, hearing it was another matter. My mouth formed an 'o' and I was utterly and completely lost for words. I didn't feel pleased and I didn't feel unhappy. Just pure, plain dazed. I must have stood there for thirty seconds as I registered the words and Jake just looking at me, waiting for me to say something.

"Please speak" he whispered as if he'd just laid his heart out on the line, which he had.

"I…don't know what to say" I replied honestly.

"You don't have to feel the same. I'm not forcing you to love me" he mumbled.

"It's not that I don't feel for you, Jake, you're my best friend. I just don't know how I feel, how I want to feel. I care for you a lot. I'm just so confused" I felt tears come to my eyes and tried to bush them away. He stopped the movement of my hands, placing his palms on my cheeks. My arms fell to my sides as silent tears were wiped away quickly by Jacob.

"I'm sorry for forcing this on you" he said, "I just needed to let you know and I needed to know if there is there a chance."

"I'm sorry Jake, for all of this. Everything's just so wrong at the moment and you shouldn't have to deal with all this mess, it's not your cross to bear. I caused it. It's my fault. I know you're trying to help and trust me, you really do. But I'm not ready right now for anything; I'm sorry"

"I want to help you and you didn't cause anything. It's his fault – all _his _fault for leaving you the way he did. I'm not trying to make you love me, Bella, I wouldn't hurt you like that. I'm not like him." Jacob's hands dropped from my cheeks and I noticed that his face had become harder, his eyes had lost their normal playful softness and there was no sign of his ever-present grin.

"I know you're not" I admitted.

"Then let me prove it. Give me a chance."

"Jacob-" I began but he cut me off,

"I will be patient and I won't ever make you do anything you don't want to. We'll go slowly, each day at a time and if it's not working for you then we'll change things around so that it does. I only want you to be happy."

"Please Jake. I can't…I can't…" I said, the tears were still falling silently. This whole situation was a mess. I couldn't give him the answer he deserved and nor could I walk away from him.

"I can make you happy" He pressed on, taking my head in his hands again. "I promise. Trust me, I will do everything to make you happy"

I closed my eyes, surrendering myself to the tears that were now falling faster onto Jacob's fingers. I felt Jacob's hands shift quickly and then he was kissing me, crushing me to him. He'd shocked me again; my head was a mess of confusion and uncertainty. I felt myself kiss him back as if I had no control over my own actions.

But it was all wrong. He was pushing his lips against mine, there was too much force and none of the gentleness that my lips had come to appreciate and which had become second-nature to them. It was too much, too warm, not him. My head became partially clearer, I cared about Jacob but I knew I didn't love him in a romantic way, I couldn't when my heart still stupidly belonged to another. I couldn't fight it, not now and not yet. I raised my hands to his chest and slowly pushed at Jake until he stopped his assault. His eyes remained closed and he had a small smile on his face. I stepped out of his arms and he opened his eyes quickly, glanced at my expression and immediately stepped away from me.

"I can't," I said a little more forcefully than before.

"If you need more time…"

"I'm sorry Jake. I just can't do it and anyway, you don't want to have to deal with all this" I gestured to myself.

"Of course I do," he nodded as if committing himself to the cause.

"No Jake. I know I'm foolish and I know I'm wrong but I gave away a part of myself to him and I can't give anymore. Not now. I don't know when and I can't make promises that I may not be able to keep. You deserve better Jake, you deserve better than that"

"He can't make you happy" Jacob said with resentment resonating in his voice, "He left Bella. You know I wouldn't do that and yet you push me away and hold onto what? The memory? His clothes? What, Bella, what keeps you going?"

"Can't you understand" I was crying more forcefully now, "I don't know why I still feel like this but I do. I can't make myself not love him, it doesn't work that way. Don't you think I've tried? Maybe one day you and I could work but right now, I can't. I don't want to hurt you. I can't lie to you or myself. So please, just stop."

His face softened a little as he spoke, "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. I just hate what he's made you into. He runs off and I pick up the pieces but he still won't leave us alone. I despise him for many things but most of all I really hate him for doing this to you."

My tears kept falling and Jake hesitantly came closer to me. "I'm sorry" he repeated, "I shouldn't have done that."

I was sobbing and he put his arms around me like he used to and I cried into his chest as he stroked my back. My feet were cold now and I really wanted to leave the beach, get in my truck and drive back to the relative safety of my home. My tears eventually stopped and Jake released me, apologising again.

"Can we please just go home?" I asked and he nodded. We walked away up the beach towards where we'd left my truck and put our shoes back on without words. "Can you apologise to Sam and Emily for me?" I asked and Jacob nodded again.

"I am sorry Bella," his head was bowed, tying up his laces, "I was wrong to push myself onto you like that. I didn't listen to you"

"It's okay Jake"

"It's not, I've made everything worse" he sighed

I stood up and looked towards the sea, so calm and peaceful. "We'll be okay. Just give me some space and some time and it'll all be okay"

He nodded and I wandered towards my truck. Jake ran up behind me and I quickly tossed him my keys to show him that we would be okay. He was still my best friend, he always would be. He smiled quickly and sprinted too fast to the door. When I got my door closed Jake was trying to turn the key in the ignition with concern on his face. "What's wrong, you haven't broken him already have you?" I asked.

"I don't know" he looked puzzled and jumped out of the cab. I lost sight as he opened the bonnet so I went round to the front to see what had happened. "I don't understand" Jake said, confused.

I began to ask what was wrong but then I saw very clearly for myself. I could see the concrete of the car park through a rather large gap, a gap that had once been the home of the engine of the truck. I was completely lost for words, how did my engine just disappear? We could see the truck the whole time when we were on the beach. My mind was running through all of the possibilities. I knew we must've had one to come here, a certainty unless my car was suddenly magic. I highly doubted that.

Jake just looked at me with the strangest expression of utter bewilderment and a slight hint of humour. Then he suddenly stiffened and froze, his eyes hardened immediately and he stared at me. I backed away from him, unsure of what was wrong to generate that reaction. I was half wondering if I was to blame when he grabbed my hand forcefully and pulled me towards him.

"Vampire" he growled.

**So, there it is. Please, all opinions would be great and I will be updating soon, I know what's going to happen and it's half written - so we're halfway there! **

**Thank you, Ciao!**


	4. Return

**Hey! I'm back quite a bit quicker this time - spent a couple of days playing round with the format here and extending some of my ideas of what I think would have happened naturally and still existing in Stephanie Meyer's brilliant world. Credit to her for Twilight, Bella, the wolves, the cullens and the entire set-up - the storyline here is mostly of my creation although, of course, I'm tying it in to New Moon at points so I'm not claiming those bits! As always, please read and review with your thoughts - it makes me write faster! Thanks for reading in advance and I hope you enjoy! **

**This chapter is a little different; you'll see!**

_If I could just see you,__  
__Everything will be alright,__  
I__f I see you__,__  
__The storminess will turn to light_

My heart ceased to beat for a few seconds and I tried to pull away from Jake in an attempt to see if he'd come back, if he'd come back to me. We heard a harsh laugh and I whipped my head around to the noise. Standing about fifteen foot away stood Victoria, her arms crossed and her fiery-red hair blowing in the wind. She smiled cruelly and Jacob pushed me, protectively, behind him as she spoke.

"A little careless Isabella, don't you think? I watched you there, canoodling with your new lover in front of the world. Why, you didn't think you'd be seen? You know the funny thing is I was just planning to leave this god-awful place and to trace the Cullen's but as my luck would have it you were just waiting here for me, weren't you, little human." She smirked and Jacob growled at her, his voice deeper than I'd ever heard it before.

"Leave now, Vampire." He spat out the word and she began to laugh again.

"You really do keep bad company Isabella. I do wonder why your lover left you here alone. Maybe he found your company tiring but I shouldn't worry, I'll soon take care of that"

She stepped towards us and Jacob launched at her, too quickly turning into a wolf in the process that my eyes couldn't follow. She dodged him swiftly and her face was a mask of shock for a moment until she returned to her evil smile. "I wondered where that god-awful smell was coming from. Bad company indeed Isabella…bit of a lover of the supernatural are we?" she cackled and ran at Jacob, jumping over him as he ran towards her. Jacob doubled back and ran at her again, growling loudly as they made contact. They scratched at each other and then they both defensively pulled away, glaring. I stood vulnerable and motionless, I wanted to run but I couldn't leave him. I couldn't help either; I lacked the claws and the speed that they both were now using as weapons. Jacob swiftly launched for Victoria's head and she again dodged to the side, managing to land a blow on his right shoulder blade. He went down for a second but quickly righted himself and continued his attack without much pause. They fought for a few minutes, neither faster than the other but Jake had the disadvantage of me to watch at his back and it was beginning to show as Victoria gradually managed to break through Jacob's defence and he was bleeding heavily from his right flank. I searched the ground for anything I could use as a weapon but there was nothing more than a few twigs and stones. I slowly and gradually moved to a crouch as they were occupied with each other and grabbed the nearest and largest rock I could lay my hands on. I wasn't sure exactly what use it would be, but having it there in my palm made me feel a little less vulnerable, if only slightly. There was truly nowhere for me to run to, we were too far from the road, my truck was missing its engine and the beach in front of me was a vast open space lacking places to hide. I just hoped and prayed that Jacob would make it through.

They circled each other, Jake never letting me be fully exposed to Victoria. Suddenly Victoria swung at Jacob and caught his back legs bringing him momentarily to the ground. She was grinning in my face before I could blink and I instinctively tried to move away but before I had even stepped backwards she had her hand wrapped around my upper arm, nails digging into my skin, and began dragging me away. The ground was pulled away from my feet and I screamed, beating against the arm that held me with my free hand, the rock in my fingers. She laughed and pulled my fingers apart with no effort, pain shot through the joints in my hand and the rock fell. I looked up into her deep crimson eyes and she was grinning at me again but before I had time to try and speak Jacob was there, jumping over my head and directly onto Victoria, who dragged her nails through my arm with the force of Jake's attack and threw me to the ground. My head met the floor and it all went blurry. I could hear Jacob snarling and Victoria returning with growls of her own. I couldn't see who was winning and the noises I heard didn't amount to a clear picture. Intense pain shot through my arm and I tried to move, to get up but without much pause my arm was grabbed and I was again dragged, my feet kicking the ground in a helpless attempt to stop her taking me away. I heard the distinctive female laugh of Victoria. My heart sank, I couldn't hear Jake anymore.

Everything didn't make sense, my head was too slow to clear and when I opened my eyes everything was too bright. I was still being hauled away by my upper left arm which I half-noted was causing me lots of pain. Victoria abruptly stopped moving me and swore. I was dropped to the ground again and I faintly could feel that I was on a cold surface. I screwed my eyes up tight, willing the pain in my arm and in my head to go away. I felt sick and my limbs felt heavy. I just wanted to sleep but warm arms began to feel their way around my head and were gently tapping my face. Sleep was calling me, my head was throbbing and I could hear my name being called. I opened my eyes, irritated, and as I adjusted to the bright light of day I managed to decode a familiar face above me. Not for the first time I was looking up at Sam Uley who began to smile broadly and ask me questions that just didn't register. He stopped speaking, feeling my forehead and my left upper arm quickly and gently.

"How is your head feeling? Does it hurt anywhere else?" he asked, concerned. I grimaced as the pain got stronger, my head clearing from its stupor.

"It hurts" I realised and tried to place my hands to my temples but they were slow to respond.

"Where?" He calmly responded.

"My arms...head…everywhere." I groaned.

"Can you move your legs for me?" He asked and I did, following his instructions, he looked relieved. "What about your hands?" My right arm ached but I managed to wave it at him. My left hand was fairly numb and I barely managed to move it at all. "Okay, Bella I'm going to lift you up – were going to take you to the hospital quick to get you checked out. Just relax and don't worry, it'll be alright".

I felt his arms move under my back and legs and I was slowly brought up into the air. "You okay?" Sam asked and I nodded, wincing against the pain.

"Where's Jake? What…what happened?" I asked quickly, suddenly remembering what had occurred last.

"Jacob will be okay, a little bruised but he'll live. Victoria fled as soon as we arrived, I'm sorry we were too late to stop this happening." He tried to keep me awake and I fought the tiredness for a while, responding to his questions with one-word answers. I felt fairly weak and my left arm was heavy, I turned my head to it and saw that I had a makeshift bandage made of an old T-Shirt tied around it tightly, down my arms and across Sam's bare chest there was blood. I wasn't wearing my jacket any longer and I ought to have been cold but luckily being in Sam's presence was enough to keep me warm. My eyelids felt like they lacked the strength to open and I didn't feel like fighting the tiredness any longer.

_And I will walk on water_

_And you will catch me if I fall_

_And I will look up into your eyes,_

_And everything will be alright._

No matter how hard I fought it she dominated my every thought. I deserved the pain. It was better for her this way. I only brought trouble into her life and I could not forget she wasn't condemned like me, she had the chance of life that I didn't. I couldn't ruin her human existence by my presence any more than I wanted to take her mortality away from her.

At first I had kept away, I ran away from my family. Nothing mattered anymore. I followed Victoria for weeks, tracking her movements across several states. It was ironic really, hunting her down in the same way her lover had tracked mine. I had intended that the distance and the chase would act as a barrier to my feelings but it was completely unsuccessful. The whole time my mind constantly wandered, memories of my Bella were unearthed and repeated again and again in my head. It hurt; such a human emotion. I blocked out my life for a while, I didn't speak to my family for weeks but it didn't stop Alice calling me daily, she didn't get the message that no response meant that I didn't want to talk. She could see where I was if she wanted to. I eventually lost track of Victoria near Southern California and I contemplated what I should do. My family were staying with the Denali's and the wolves were in Forks. I wanted to return, to ensure that she was happy and safe but going back was a dangerous move, I didn't know if I could leave were I to see her again. I heard rumours that Victoria had headed to Brazil and like a fool I followed. The trail ran to an end. Remembering it now, my actions over the next few months were a blur. I spent weeks hiding in a basement of a large family homestead listening to the arguments and celebrations of daily life above. The hours ran into each other and I couldn't detect whether it was day or night. I didn't care - my life was meaningless. I wanted the earth to swallow my pitiful being, I had failed in the small task I'd set myself and the one thing that made me want to be 'alive' on this earth was the only thing that I could not have.

I spoke to Alice for the first time in months from the roof of a small church in Columbia. She begged me to return to Alaska to be with my family but I said that I couldn't. The conversation was short and Alice wasn't her normal irritatingly-chirpy self. I wanted to ask about Bella, to ask if she could see how she was but I couldn't find the words and Alice didn't offer the information. We had an arrangement, Bella was to be given her human existence back and we were to leave her alone. Alice had eventually agreed, she wouldn't inform me of how she was and she said she'd stop looking. Things had begun to change anyway; I was moving north, back to the states that were more familiar to me. My short-term plan was to head to Alaska, to regroup with my family and trace where Victoria was hiding out. From there I imagined that I would be able to cope, over time my thoughts of her would fade and we'd keep on living the way we had, matriculating and moving in a never ending cycle. I had made it to Oregon, debating whether or not I should visit Forks, when I got a call from Alice. It was the third call that day and despite her normal persistence, it was unusual for her to try more than twice.

"You're heading home" Alice said, an unusual, clipped tone to her voice.

"You know that. Is that why you called? What's happened?" I asked, concerned.

"I can't hide it from you Edward, I know we had a deal but I'm sorry, I care about her too-"

"What's happened to her, Alice?" I jumped, interrupting her. I slowed down the rental car that I was driving to nearly the normal human regulations – I didn't know what I was about to hear and I didn't care about the arrangement that we'd made, just Bella.

"She's hurt, I think, I don't know Edward, it keeps going black and most of what I can see is blurry – it doesn't make any sense." My sister's visions were rarely less than clear, perhaps a little complicated at times, but never 'blurry'. I panicked. For the first time in what felt like forever, feelings that I had pathetically blocked about her came flooding straight back. It felt natural to feel for her, to care about her every move and I knew that I couldn't hold it back any longer.

"What is 'hurt'? How hurt?" I adjusted the car I had rented in California so that the direction was well and truly towards forks. She was like the magnetic north of my internal compass, I had decided - I was going back to her and nothing could stop me.

"I don't know, I couldn't see that part. I don't know how I missed it, I saw her in the hospital with Charlie, and she wasn't awake. She…it didn't look good, Edward." I swore audibly and increased the speed. "It doesn't make sense, I can't even see how she got there. You're going back" she said, unquestionably, "is that wise Edward?"

"I have to go, I can't fight it. I can't do this to myself anymore, hiding it. I have to see her." I admitted.

"I'll be there as soon as I can, make sure she's okay Edward."

The call ended and I sped towards the rainy town of Forks. I should never have left, she was always going to have got into trouble – it was in her nature. Before this moment, racing towards my love, I had not fully realised just how much of an incomplete life I had lived for so long. I was so ignorant before I met her, she had changed everything. She was my purpose for being and I had to protect her, even if I couldn't stay near her, even if it wasn't safe or if she was to reject me now, I committed myself to defending her forever, I would live in the shadows to do it if I had to. At the forefront of my mind was her safety. Everything else could be dealt with later, we had time for that, but she really needed to be okay. It became my mantra, I made deals aloud with God's I didn't even know if I believed in, but it had to work; she needed to be okay, she had to be okay. All of the issues, problems and the reason that I left were forgotten, abandoned when I heard Alice speak her name. Later I would figure it all out. First, I was going to save my Bella.

**So what do you think? Edward always said in NM that he would have come back eventually anyway, right? Just, is he going to stay? Please review if you can - its food for my thoughts and for my writing so more reviews = fast chapter updates. You're looking at one, possibly two, more - depends how extensive the next part is going to turn out :D Thanks! Calico xo**


	5. Forever Doesn't Last Very Long

**Hi all! Thanks for finding your way here to this GIANT chapter, it's about three times the length of the others but I had quite a bit that I wanted to cover and due to the nature of the song, I've only got one more Chapter left for you after this so it needed to be a little long! I hope you like it and please, please let me know what you think, good and bad reviews are always massively appreciated.**

** All characters, Twilight and this amazing world belong enteirely to Stephenie Meyer, I don't pretend otherwise! I'm trying to keep this fairly realistic as to what may have happened had Bella not jumped and so there are a lot of allusions to Twilight/New Moon and their events. Enjoy!**

_and I will walk on water__  
__you will catch me if I fall__  
__and I will get lost into your eyes__  
__and everything will be alright_

It was light when I awoke and it took a short while for my eyes to adjust. The room was unfamiliar, too white and empty besides a scattering of flowers in vases and Jake, asleep in a chair against the wall. I looked down at foreign, clean white clothes and sheets and it dawned on me that I was in a hospital bed. There were wires attached to my wrist and bandages covered my left arm. Memories of Victoria and Sam came crashing back and I gasped audibly. It wasn't the first time that I'd found myself in this position, gaining consciousness in a hospital room, but it wasn't really something that anyone could get used to. Last time my left wrist had been bandaged in the same way as it was now, the small, silver scar on my palm hidden underneath. This time I was bandaged due to Victoria, last time it was her lover James. Maybe Edward had been right; I should stay away from all Vampires, it only ended up the same way and if there was a next time it was likely I wouldn't be waking up in a hospital; I might not be waking up at all. The thought scared me; I had only recently started to live again.

I looked across to Jake, still sleeping peacefully, his head was nestled against his chest and the hood of his jacket was up yet it barely covered his hairline. It felt wrong to wake him and I spent a few minutes just watching him breathe, his chest slowly rising and falling. He looked beautiful. He was my saviour and my protector and I absentmindedly wondered whether he would replace my previous protector in other ways too before I shook the thought from my mind. I remembered the beach, Jake declaring his love for me, it still felt strange just thinking the words. I remembered I had told him no, that I couldn't. However, the more I allowed myself to think about it, the less I was able to deny that I didn't feel anything for him. He was too good to me and even after everything that I'd said to him, here he still was, saving and protecting me just as he promised that he always would.

I still couldn't quite fathom just why he cared about me, what could I offer him? Who was I to deserve to have someone who said he loved me, someone who had saved my life in many more ways than the most recent occurrence, someone I had rejected. I was just me, Bella, clumsy and ordinary. Well, ordinary apart from the fact that I'd just been attacked by a vampire and now I was staring at a sleeping werewolf, not even to mention my previous relationship. How could anyone love someone who caused so much trouble? I've always hated the fact that I couldn't escape being the damsel in distress. When everyone around me had speed and claws and so much strength in their supernatural beings, the little human that I was seemed pathetic and vulnerable, I always needed saving. No more, I decided. I could no longer put others in danger for me; I needed to learn to protect myself. I had always been proud of my independence but somewhere amidst all this mess I seemed to have forgotten that very important fact. I couldn't selfishly rely on having someone to save me every five minutes when I found myself in some sort of trouble, supernatural or not. Maybe my number was well and truly up and prolonging it was only going to do so much. Maybe it was time to accept the hand fate gave me.

Jake stirred slightly, disturbing me from my train of thought. I called out his name with a voice that sounded a lot more gravely than I remembered mine to be. He woke with a jolt and his eyes immediately found my face. He was by my side in an instant, his face relieved.

"Hi" he said feebly and he wiped at his eyes. He was too quiet and his face was a mask of concern, lacking any of his usual jovial spirit.

"Jake…" I reached out for his hand with mine, the one that wasn't encased in bandages. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"You're asking how _I_ am?" Jake smiled slightly and it warmed my heart, he took my hand, swamping it with both of his. "I'm fine, totally and completely – I'm indestructible remember?" he laughed, shakily, "Gees…Bella, it's been a hell of a few days, you've gotta stop scaring me like that. It's becoming a habit for you".

"…Days?" I quizzed him, "wait, how long have I been out exactly? What's happened? Oh god that means Charlie knows about all this, right?" I groaned.

"You could've died…again. This is serious Bella, of course he does. You've been out for 26 hours…nearly. It feels so much longer. You hit your head pretty hard and you lost a lot of blood," he pointed to my arm. "Actually, I better get the nurse" he mumbled and half-ran out of the room without another word. He returned in under a minute with a happy looking woman who checked all the machines around me and asked me questions on how I was feeling and where it hurt. She read off the machines and registered my temperature and blood pressure as normal. A doctor arrived a few minutes later and introduced himself as Dr. Carvel. He shined a torch in my eyes and I blinked the light away.

"Do you know where you are?" He asked me.

"The hospital" I answered, I felt like a six year old and wanted to tell him that I remembered everything but then I realised that it would sound crazy, although it would probably fit with a head injury. I didn't know what to say if he asked, Jake hadn't told me any story which I assumed, hopefully, that they'd come up with.

"Good, Isabella and what year is it?"

"Bella." Jake interrupted, seemingly pissed off and the Doctor smiled at me as I rolled my eyes at him.

"2011" I said, Dr Carvel was making notes on his clipboard although it was obvious to everyone, particularly to me, that my brain was just fine. It ached a little but it wasn't too bad. Then again, according to the nurse I was on a lot of pain relief.

"Okay," he scribbled on the paper, "that's good. Do you remember what happened, Bella?" he emphasised my name with a small, friendly smile.

I looked at Jake quickly, his eyebrows were furrowed together and he looked at me slightly concerned but there was a hint of amusement in his eyes, wondering what I'd say. "I…er," I began, "I went to the beach with Jake and apart from that I don't know…I can't remember what I did" I smiled at him hesitantly, lying through my teeth.

"Do you remember a tree?" he asked and I looked at him puzzled. I heard Jake clear his throat and I pretended as if I'd suddenly had a brainwave.

"Oh…Yes, I do…sorry its all a bit muddled, I thought that that may have been a dream" I lied.

"The confusion is natural, Bella, it should sort its self out in time but everything seems to be okay right now. We're going to keep you here for a little while, make sure that everything is working alright. Just try to rest." He smiled at me and put his clipboard under his arm, speaking to the nurse about some medication of which I needed less. I looked over at Jake and he grinned at me, it seemed that I'd done okay. A career in theatre could be for me after all. "I'm sure if you've got any questions about the incident your boyfriend can let you know what you've missed out on." I nodded at him, said my thanks and he left with the nurse, who stated she'd be back soon and forcibly reminded me to rest, smiling all the while.

"Boyfriend?" I couldn't resist asking the question as Jake came towards me after the nurse had left the room. He looked down, smiling slightly.

"It was the only way they'd let me stay in here" he said quietly and sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed, "sorry, don't be mad or anything."

"I'm not, don't worry" I smiled, "I thought I'd had it a little when he asked what happened, what did you guys say?"

"We had to make something up; we didn't have much time either so Sam said the first thing he could think of." Jake trailed off but with a quiet voice he spoke, "they said that you'd be okay, but it was hard to believe them. I am so sorry Bella, I should've smelt her sooner, should've been faster, should've-"

I interrupted; "Stop Jake, you weren't to know at all. Please don't blame yourself. Anyway none of any of that matters now, I owe my life to you."

"Sam and the others did that, I was sprawling on the floor. I nearly lost you and I feel like I've been saying that a lot lately… you're a magnet for trouble." He sighed at me.

I sighed, the phrase was familiar. "I've been told that before….you did save me Jake, without you there she would've…would've…" I couldn't finish the sentence.

"Bella," Jake took my hand again and looked concerned, "I should get Charlie, he went back home to rest and grab some things for you and I told him I'd call as soon as you woke up"

"First, please can you just fill me in with all that I've missed? What happened and what's supposed to have 'happened'? I can't just scrape my way through it when Charlie asks"

Jake looked around the room and then spoke quietly in case we were being overheard. As far as everyone else was concerned I had fallen off a branch of a tree we had climbed and onto a rock embedded in the ground. I laughed when Jake told me - it was the most unbelievable lie ever, except that it didn't appear to be as the hospital staff had completely eaten it up. Even Charlie hadn't yet questioned Jake as to why his completely uncoordinated and easily injured daughter had suddenly taken up the urge to climb trees.

In reality, when Victoria dropped me onto the ground Sam and three other wolves had appeared and Victoria, no match for the pack, fled. Sam sent Quil and Paul after her to make sure she had left the territory. It turned out that by chance Paul had been in wolf form and had heard Jacob's calls for help, he had run off immediately to help us and the others followed. Billy had been called to take care of Jake and my truck and Sam had bandaged my arm with scraps of what had been Jacob's T-Shirt and brought me to the Emergency Room. I couldn't help but still be worried; she was out there somewhere. Jake promised that they'd get her – they were on full alert now. It was hard to relax. I half wished I had claws just so I could get her myself and I completely hated having to rely on them to fight my battles. I tried to tell Jacob to stop, to just let whatever was supposed to happen take its course but he growled at me before I'd even finished getting the words out.

"Stop being so stupid Bella, you really think I'm going to let you walk out there to be killed? Whatever your feelings towards me they're not going to stop mine, not like that." He looked hurt, like he had at La Push.

I tried to explain, "It's nothing to do with that, I just can't keep allowing you to put all your lives on the line just to protect mine. I'm not worth it."

"Don't ever say that!" he snapped, growling at me. "I couldn't live with myself if I just let people die because I was too selfish to protect our land, especially you. It's not our way. Besides, we don't want a crazy Vamp running around anyway, we just managed to get rid of some and we're not looking for more". There was a steely determination in his eyes. What had I really expected? "I can't believe you were even thinking that Bella!"

"I'm…just a burden" I admitted my thoughts, tears forming in my eyes and I looked away from Jake. He began to speak more calmly but a gruffness remained in his voice. He was interrupted by the kind-sounding but firm voice of the nurse, shooing him out of the room, insisting I needed rest and some peace. Jake refused to leave at first but he had little choice as she ushered him out before he could say goodbye properly. His eyes seemed a little calmer when they found me and he mouthed "sorry" through the window outside the room. I smiled at him as he slowly left the window and found that I was a lot more tired than I'd thought, considering I'd slept for what felt like forever.

The nurse re-entered, smiling and checked all of the machines once more.

"You really should rest, honey" she said warmly, sitting on the bed gently and I smiled back at her. "You know, he was here all night, your boyfriend. He was worried, that's probably why he got a little pent up just then, but you just see – I'm sure he'll be back with flowers in a few hours for you" she winked and I smiled back at her, uttering my thanks. She tapped my hand and rose, shutting the blinds and pulling the room into a hazy twilight.

My thoughts about what Jacob and I had spoke about resided in my thoughts, my humanity meant that I was completely vulnerable compared to Victoria and Jake and I hated it, but I should have known that their innate hatred against the Vampires and the desire to protect their own would never have been abandoned. Closing my eyes and embracing sleep I only wished that Jake didn't have to get put in the firing line for me to live.

* * *

"I'm nearly there Alice, please say she's okay?" I begged, I had been driving for several hours, racing through the traffic. It was fortunate I wasn't human – I didn't need to stop for food or rest breaks. I had just passed Toledo, Washington and at the rate I had been driving I'd be with her in no more than two hours.

"She's going to be fine Edward, you can relax a little. I just saw her with the nurse. She's sleeping now" Relief flooded me, Alice had uttered magic words.

"Thank you. Really, thank you. I'm a few hours away I think, I've just hit rush hour." I'd been listening to the radio and was preparing to leave the interstate due to an accident on the I-5 and even with working the diversion into my timescale I'd be there within two hours. I didn't plan to drive slowly.

"Be careful. Edward…there's a couple of things you need to know. I didn't know how to tell you, I wanted you to know but I didn't know how you'd take them. Rose has been trying to call you and Esme thought it best if I didn't say anything" Alice said quickly, I was confused.

"What are you talking about? You've baited me now so just tell me."

"I haven't stopped watching her, I couldn't – she's my friend Edward and we never should have left her. She was so good for you and for all of us because of that." Alice admitted what I already knew.

"I know, it was a mistake but I'm going back now. I can't keep away from her, it's been…hard. I don't know how it's going to work but I'm not asking you to keep away anymore."

"That wasn't what I needed to say, it's been so blurry lately when I've been watching Bella. Only the past couple of months but I didn't connect it all. I think whatever stops you from reading her mind may be working against me now. I'm worried Edward, it's never been like this before. I don't know if it's me…" she sighed, her voice tense. I wanted her to just say what it was she needed to but with Alice it was never that simple. We rarely spoke on the phone; it was easier when we were in person as we could have silent conversations, taking what I needed to see or know from her thoughts. "Anyway, as you're going back I have to do this now. You might not find her the same Bella that you left".

"Alice, what-" I interrupted, but she continued through my words.

"It was tough for her when you left…it was too hard to watch. I don't know how to say all this…" I didn't want her to, I wanted to screw my eyes up and block my ears. The thought of hurting her tore me apart but I couldn't tell Alice to stop, the words wouldn't form in my mouth. Alice continued, determined to say her piece, "I saw her standing at the edge of a cliff in a raging thunderstorm Edward; I thought she was going to jump". Alice spoke quickly but my mind zoned out completely. I had to stop the car, I wasn't thinking right. The words made me feel number inside than I already was, how she even could think of doing something like that? That wasn't Bella. It was worrying.

Leaving was meant to make it all better for her, not worse! The injuries were one thing; the emotional pain Alice had described shattered me. I deserved the pain, not her. I left to protect her from that, from my dangerous world and from any lasting psychological effects. I thought I'd left just in time, before it was too late for her. I should have realised, figured from her reaction in the forest. I was a complete fool. I punched the steering wheel until it no longer resembled a circle. I wanted to hurt myself, I wanted the physical pain, something to take away the hurt inside, anything.

"Edward!" Alice was shouting my name down the phone, "That's a rental, and don't you dare!" My thoughts were racing as I thought of ways to destroy the car with me still in it, I needed punishment and I deserved it. "Stop, Edward, stop! You're going to be no good to her like this at all. I had to tell you, you have to be prepared and be gentle with her. Use some tact. First, stop being stupid and this self-pity crap _has_ to end, caspiche?"

"Stop doing that!"

"You know I can see everything you are planning, fool…just calm down Edward!" she shouted. I could hear Jasper in the background, echoing her message to me in a very different tone. Whatever he did must have worked as the next time she spoke, her voice was controlled.

"There's more Edward. I don't want to tell you now but I don't have much time and I can't get there before you…"

"What is it? How much more?" I panicked, "How bad is she?"

"Right now? She seems better when I can see her but a lot of the time it's blank, like she's not there. I have no idea what happened to her, I must've missed it somehow. I'm so sorry Edward. She doesn't look good, prepare yourself, it's like Phoenix all over again." Alice warned.

"You said she was alright!"

"Internally, it seems so. I heard the doctor talking to the nurse and it seems like they think she'll be okay, just bed rest and medication."

I slightly relaxed again, Alice was right – I wouldn't be any good to her like this.

"I still have to go; I still have to see her." I admitted to my sister and to myself. That part was suddenly clear to me, I couldn't keep away anymore. I had to watch over her, be her Guardian Angel, for lack of better words. Angel was too far from the truth but Guardian Devil or Vampire didn't really have the same appeal.

"Wait a second, there's something else. I just saw the nurse with her and she, something was said that you need to know-"

"Alice, what?" I impatiently asked, "Say it" I demanded.

"She has a boyfriend" Alice almost shouted, too fast. I heard, however and the words hit me like knives. It was always an option, a logical conclusion but what I hadn't concluded was how I'd feel. Pure anger. I was jealous, completely and utterly jealous to the point of insanity. It made sense, Alice had said she was better now and I knew first hand that there were guys forming a line behind me, waiting for her. The two things went together a little too well.

"Say something Edward" Alice said softly as I was debating with myself on my next move. Should I return, selfishly and check on her and disrupt her life again? The best thing to do would be to leave her alone, allow her to get on with her life just as I had originally planned. I couldn't cause her any more pain and even though I didn't know how she'd react if she saw me, I couldn't take the chance of hurting her even a little bit. For her sake I had to leave her well alone. I was going to suffer and the masochistic part of me took some small pleasure in that, I was finally receiving my true punishment, the pain I deserved.

Alice was still waiting for me to speak, "Edward, you're coming home?"

"I can't go back there, I can't do that to her again" I replied quietly.

"Would you be okay with me seeing her? I don't want to stay away, Edward, not any longer."

"No! We have to leave her alone, let her live her human existence without any interference" I growled, angry at that fact.

"This isn't what you want, you know it" she replied, annoyance resonating in her voice.

"It is what is best" I closed my eyes and laid my head against the steering wheel's newly-damaged surface.

"This conversation isn't over Edward" Alice demanded, "We _will_ talk when you get here, I'll let Carlisle and Esme know." She hung up, stubborn as ever. It took me a while to figure my thoughts out and I started up the car slowly, driving away from the place I felt the most natural to be drawn to. The last few signs that I saw pointing in the direction of Forks, willing me to go to Port Angeles and Seattle and to her felt like daggers. Every single letter seemed to be taunting me, the cravings of my addiction. The feeling didn't lessen as I crossed the border into Canada but I drove on nethertheless, ignoring my still heart and its wishes, welcoming the world of pain that had only just begun.

* * *

Hearing my name awoke me. Charlie's concerned face hovered beside my bed and he smiled.

"Hey Dad" I smiled back at him, hoping I wasn't going to be questioned on my 'tree-climbing' antics.

"How you feeling Bells?" He asked.

"Been better, but I'm okay – just this really" I said, indicating my arm.

"24 stitches; that has to be some sort of record for you" he laughed quietly but it was true, Victoria had ripped into the muscle in my upper arm and near my arm pit and it had been sewn back together whilst I was unconscious. Victoria knew how to do some damage. I could move my fingers, thankfully, but Charlie noted that they had said that it'd take some time for it to heal completely. We made small talk and he avoided the topic of how it all happened, it appeared my accident-prone nature was a good enough answer.

"Oh and I brought you this" Charlie said, presenting me with a bag containing some pyjamas and toiletries. "I just grabbed a handful, I didn't really know what to bring". I thanked him as I looked through the bag, he'd manage to pick up most of the things I needed and I told him I was grateful as I found 3 bottles of facial toner, could never have enough I figured. A Jane Austen book I hadn't read in a few years was at the bottom of the bag and I opened it immediately.

"This is perfect, thank you Dad" I admitted honestly and he seemed genuinely pleased with himself. We sat and talked for a short while before I told him to go to work; I would be fine on my own. He resisted at first but he said that he'd call Jacob over to keep me company. I agreed and he left as the nurse arrived, ensuring first that everything was all right with me as far as she was concerned. She said that if everything continued to heal as it was then I could be released the day after the next now that there was no sign of a concussion.

I settled into reading the book, undisturbed for a while until I heard someone walking into the room. I assumed it was the nurse but as I looked up I found myself not facing her friendly face, instead staring at two pale red irises and a head of flame-red hair.

She stood with her hands on her hips and a menacing smile playing on her lips.

"Isabella, how good to see you again. Ahhh…I can smell you from here, well worth the wait I'm sure" She said as she walked closer to the bed. I held the book up protectively but there was very little I could do. I was completely defenceless. The only thing I had on my side was that there were people around, human people with CCTV and a distinct ignorance of the existence of Vampires. Although I knew Vampire laws forbade anyone revealing their existence, I wasn't sure just how committed to the laws Victoria was. I was betting on the Vampire trying to kill me having an ethical conscience.

"These places are brilliant aren't they?" She said, looking around the room, "keeping you alive so that I can have the pleasure of finishing you off myself"

"If you're going to kill me, just do it now" I said, willing every bit of courage into my being as I closed my eyes in undeniable defeat. There was no way out.

"Oh not now human, but in four hours you will meet me in the trees across the road. If you don't then your father will be slaughtered and left on that tree, right there, the one you can see from your window. I know exactly where he lives and where he works. I don't make empty threats; you should know that by now."

What could I do? I was trying to work out a way of getting to Jake in time as she interrupted me, as if she read my thoughts.

"Don't even think about bringing the scum. If I even smell a single morsel of their scent then your father dies. Do we understand each other, Isabella?" She sneered at me and I stared back at her, trying to hide any emotion from my face. I hoped the fear wouldn't show through.

"Loud and clear, Victoria" I spat the words out. "But if you touch him at any point you will be slaughtered by the wolves, do you understand me?" I countered, feeling a little more brave due to the fact I knew she wouldn't attack me in a hospital.

She laughed.

I sat there, fear and anger coursing through my veins.

"I'll see you at 8pm little Isabella, I can not wait until we meet again" she cackled and turned quickly, leaving the room.

My heart sank, I couldn't figure out a plan to escape this fate. Perhaps I wasn't meant to, my head fell into my hands and tears fell down my cheeks and onto my palms. I suddenly remembered Jake was coming over, I wasn't ready to die but there was no way that I was allowing her to touch Charlie. I had to stop Jake. There was a phone in the room by the chair and I pulled myself out of the bed slowly. Everything ached, my legs felt weak, unable to carry me across the floor. My left arm was numb and heavy and my shoulders felt bruised. It took me a while but I pushed myself off the bed, slowly, and with each pained step I made it across the floor to the phone and into the chair. It took me a few minutes to be able to lift the phone, place it to one side and press the keys that corresponded to Jake's number with one finger.

"_Hello_"

"Hi Jake, it's me"

"_Bells! Everything okay? I was just coming over right now"_

"I'm fine but there's no need for you to come over now - Charlie's got the evening off work." I lied, screwing my eyes up. This was the last time I'd ever speak to Jake.

"_Oh, I could come by anyway, I want to see that you're okay"_

"Charlie would probably ask too much about what happened, best not to. You could come over in the morning if you're free?" It hurt. Too much. I tried to sound normal, he'd know if it sounded too forced and I couldn't risk him coming.

"_I'll be there, you sure about tonight? I could stay all night if you want?"_

"Thanks Jake, for everything you've done for me. I'll honestly be fine but thank you."

"_If you're sure…"_

"I am" I was resolute. Jake wasn't getting hurt either, not because of me. This was my problem, I would solve it tonight. Just me.

"_Oh and Bella, I spoke to Dad and he said you could stay with us for a little while, just until she's gone. It'd be a lot safer."_

I swallowed, "That's great Jake, thanks"

"_I'll get it all sorted for you"_ I could hear the grin in his words.

"Jake, just promise me something"

"_Anything"_

"Look after Charlie please. No matter what, just make sure he's okay". I fought back tears, my throat ached badly but I couldn't give in.

"_Er, sure Bells of course. I better get going, but look after yourself – relax! I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"_

"Jake…"

"_Bella?"_

"Take care too. Goodbye Jake." It didn't seem enough. I couldn't say final words, not to him, not my Jacob.

I contemplated ringing Charlie but I knew that I would fall apart. Renee too would have to be missed out, it'd be hard enough to explain the hospital without trying to subtly say goodbye to her. I made my way slowly back to my bed and picked up the book. What does someone do with a few hours, the last of their life? I found a pencil in a small drawer next to the bed and opened the book. The publishers had thankfully left several blank pages at the start and the end of the book and I began to write, letters, goodbyes to Charlie, Renee, Jake and one to Alice. Should she ever return to Forks I wanted to leave something for her. Renee's was straightforward, easier to write than I had thought. I told her to be happy with Phil and that I hoped she does never truly grow up. It annoyed me but I always loved the fact my mom had spirit. Jake's letter was a mix of jokes and honesty. I wrote that I cared about him a lot and I regretted not having the time to figure it all out properly. I truly hoped he would find the one he was destined for and that he'd have a life full of the happiness he deserved. The letter to Charlie was the hardest to write. We had spoke so little recently, our exchanges never were deep, always surface and I said that I regretted not telling him how much I loved him every day. My tears blurred some of the words as they refused to stop falling. I wrote that I was proud of him and that I would miss him. It was all true. A goodbye letter had to be.

In my letter to Alice I told her that I was sorry I never got to say a goodbye, that I had missed her in the months gone past and that I had been blessed to have her as a friend. I wrote for her to "_talk to Jacob" _three times in the letter and I hoped that way she'd get the real story about Victoria and all of this. At the end I told her to thank the Cullen's for their past kindness and I wrote, "_And to Edward, please just tell him that I had no regrets about us, or whatever we were. Tell him I understood"_. I tried to stop there but I remembered that this was my last act, and it had to be truthful. _"Please tell him that, although it's foolish, tell him I never stopped. I have always loved him and I know that I always will."_ I wanted to rub it out, take it back but I couldn't. It was complete truth and I had accepted it in my heart. I decided to leave the words on the page and I left the book on the side, waiting for Charlie.

The next few hours went painfully slow as I was at a loss of what to do. I wanted to be with people but I couldn't bring them into danger. I watched the television for a while but I became restless fast. I couldn't read knowing the letters were amongst the pages. I was counting the minutes, 145 to go…132 to go. I tried to think over my life…110 to go. I put on the Television again, 105 to go. I spoke to the nurse and they brought food which I could barely touch, 91 to go. I had a long, hot shower in the private bathroom (I wasn't sure how but the room I was in was more hotel than hospital) and put on the pyjamas, lacking any other sort of clothes. My last outfit would be powder blue silk bottoms and a matching camisole. Charlie had brought my coat and some trainers; they were a red colour and I absentmindedly though about the colour clash before I decided that it really did not matter in the grand scheme of things. 56 to go. I took my time, drying my hair with the towel, 29 to go. I pulled the final tubes out of my hands and I tried to pace the room, gathering a little strength. I ate some of the food, cold now but still edible. My last supper – 18 minutes to go.

The minutes were falling away from me as I put on my coat and trainers and slowly made my way out of my room and down the hallway, following the signs. It was dark and very few people were moving around. My coat hid the fact that I was in pyjamas fairly well and I managed to slip past the nurses station and get in the elevator with ease. Walking past the front desk the receptionist looked up to me and smiled. I was walking fairly slowly and I didn't want her to query it so I smiled back.

"Just getting some air" I explained and she nodded at me and went back to her computer screen. I sighed and went out into the cool Forks night. The stars were out and the moon was full. I looked up into the sky, not quite dark yet and drunk in the view. I stood there for a few minutes before I made my way across the road to the entrance of the forest. I stood there, early. I smiled to myself, although a little morbid, I had turned up early to be killed. I heard footsteps coming towards me and I shortly saw her face, the cruel smile playing on her lips as usual.

"Lovely to see you, Isabella" she laughed.

"Shame I can't say the same" I said, angry and defiant. I wasn't going to just meekly give in. Plans of escape were still running through my head; if I could distract her I could call for help, attack her, get to Jacob and the wolves.

She was too quick, striding towards me so that she stood only a couple of metres away.

"Take off your coat, Isabella. It's going to get in my way". I resisted, standing unmoving, looking beyond her, not at her face. "Is that how we're going to play, really?" She stepped forward quickly, ripping the buttons of the front and pulling it sharply away from me. I shouted in pain as it pulled my arm away with a jolt. It was cold without the coat, I began to shiver.

She stepped closer to me, one finger outstretched to run down my cheek. "It's a shame really" she said as her nail slowly scratched my face, but not strong enough to draw blood, "but we are the sum of our decisions, Isabella, and your choice of lover has sealed your fate with me. Even though he's fed up with you, this will please me a little" she smiled at me and my eyes found hers, full of malice. I spat on her face.

"I hope you rot in hell" I said roughly, attempting to keep my voice smooth. She was livid. I didn't even see if coming as I was brought to my knees, she'd aimed a blow to my left leg that, in my weakened state had completely brought me down to the ground. My undamaged palm found the floor and it gripped the dirt. My hair was tugged and she brought my face up to meet hers.

"You first" she whispered in my ear. I could hear the blood pumping in my ears. It felt like I had increased hearing too. I could hear the traffic roaring around me and my whole body was shaking. I was pulled by my hair onto my feet, I screamed out in agony. "Goodbye Isabella, it's been fun" she laughed again and I closed my eyes, defeated. This was it, the end.

I felt her lean in to my neck as there was a louder screech around me. Wood snapped with the force, an engine roared. Victoria growled loudly and dropped me. I feel to the floor at her feet, drained of energy and in shock. I tried to look up at what had made the noise and eventually I could see a black car, half parked on broken branches so that the front half of the car was in the air. A figure had rushed out of the open door and ran straight at Victoria. I felt air at my back as she moved away, the figure chased her for a while and they fought for a bit. It was all so fast. I couldn't make out who was Victoria and who was the other person. It didn't look wolf-shape but it was so hard to tell in the almost-dark and at the speed they were moving. The car's headlights, I noticed, pointed off to the side and I tried to make my way towards them, to safety. I heard intense growling and then only one figure remained standing, human arms hanging at their side. It wasn't Victoria.

The figure walked slowly towards me, palms outstretched. I couldn't make out their face. I moved further towards the car, as fast as I could move but it wasn't quick enough as the figure slowly advanced on me. My back hit a fallen log and I squirmed on the floor, pinned between the figure and the wood. I had narrowly escaped my end but I was sure that my number was up this time. I closed my eyes again. Waiting for the inevitable.

When I opened my eyes the figure was crouched before me and I gasped. I knew that hair, I knew the shape. I could see his eyes, the dark amber colour displayed by the headlights. I was frozen into place, my mouth wouldn't move, my limbs stopped functioning. It didn't feel real, without the pain I would have thought it was a dream.

_He was here._

"Bella" He spoke. That voice I had imagined countless times before, so much more velvety now. I had imagined it all wrong. "Bella" he repeated, I was dumbstruck. It had been so long since I had heard that voice and it defeated me completely, I was under its spell already. What could I say, why was he here? A minute before I was facing my death, I had accepted it. I had spent all evening waiting, preparing for it and now I was sat against a log, literally freezing and facing the love of my life. He had yet again saved me. I would never be able to save myself.

"Please say something," he sounded anxious and I forced my mouth to form words.

"I…I…You" I managed to say.

"Yes" he replied calmly and very slowly reached out for my non-bandaged arm. I watched the slow progress of his arm and he watched my face, it looked like he was touching a stranger, so cautious and hesitant. His hand touched my arm and his fingers wrapped around it, "you're freezing!" he exclaimed and, letting go of my arm, quickly pulled off his jacket and threw it over me. He searched around and found my coat, just metres from us and he pulled it over the top of his jacket. He quickly pulled me into him before I had time to react so that I was in his arms. It felt natural, tears sprung to my eyes and I couldn't fight them away. "It's okay Bella, it's all going to be okay" he rocked me slowly.

"Edward" I managed to say and his eyes searched mine, his hand reaching to stroke my cheek. His fingertips touched it and I pulled away, it was a little too reminiscent of Victoria's nails, scratching at my face.

"I'm going to take you back into the hospital, Bella. You'll be fine" he spoke calmly as I was pulled into his arms effortlessly. He strode into the hospital and the receptionist tried to stop him. He told her he'd found me outside and I was placed in a wheelchair, away from his arms. A nurse came and wheeled me into the elevator, admonishing me for staying outside so long. I couldn't say anything; I was just sat there staring at Edward, standing in front of the reception desk, staring at me. He was just in a jumper and I remembered I had his jacket. I could smell him around me and in his eyes I saw a look of helplessness, of worry that I knew was echoed in mine. But I was also confused, why had he come back? If it was to fight Victoria he could have come before, surely. He had made it clear that we didn't feel the same about each other, but why was he looking at me like that? He quickly stepped towards the elevator doors as they closed, blocking his face from my view.

"Going up" The robotic voice said and I sighed, shock taking over my body as I shook all over. The nurse looked at me and attempted to calm me down. But it was the image of his face that worked, a small amount of happiness seeped inside me, to my core.

**So what do you think! In New Moon Edward said to Bella that he was going to come back anyway, it was only a matter of time. The question is, however, with all that has gone on here after NOT jumping (just think...no Italy, no Volturi...no complications apart from the hurt and healing caused by a break-up), is the new Bella, now happier with life, accepting of the events and owing a lot to Jake, truly going to be happy for him to be back? **

**Dun Dun Dun! I hope you've enjoyed this penultimate chapter, please let me know what you think and I'll be back very soon with your final chapter, Calico xo**


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